Soul Notes

I am still pondering over what my therapist said to me a few months ago. She said that there is a difference between being accepted and being seen. Her statement still resonates with me because feeling seen denotes that others not only embrace the gifts and talents that you put out into the world but also embrace your pain and struggles. Being embraced for your authentic self answers the heart’s call that you matter. This is especially important when we experience trauma. Having to see someone across from you who validates your experience as well as stepping into your pain can determine the trajectory for your recovery. When I was doing research for my dissertation, one of the articles I found was about experiences of community after a traumatic event. There was overwhelming evidence that suggest that when trauma is affirmed and validated, individuals are able to make meaning from it and recover sooner. For us clinicians, this means that the trauma can be integrated into the life experience leaving room for post traumatic growth. Since we seek to grow from our experiences and not be stunted by them, there is a lot to be said about the importance of feeling seen by others and experiencing shared meaning. When you are looking at another set of eyes that mirrors back to you that what happened to you has significance, it can solidify your value and worth. Not everyone has this sense of community and I believe this is one of the essential features of the traumatic experience. Finding a sense of community seems more elusive now more than ever. What are your thoughts on why?

As a therapist who had multiple traumatic experiences during my professional career, I found that the aftermath almost always involved having a crisis of identity. The most recent was at the end of 2019, ironically shortly before the world was irrevocably changed by COVID, I remember thinking that I did not know how to do my life anymore. To give a backdrop, I was just given an opportunity to acquire an office suite from a former office mate. Stepping out in faith, I decided to add to my team and hired three therapists. Excited to embrace the opportunity ahead of me, I was blind sided by trauma that occurred in my family. There I was, at the cusp of growing my own practice and managing a team of clinicians, I was forced to have to renegotiate who I was as a result of this traumatic event. It shattered all of my assumptions about what I understood about my relationships. Most importantly, I did not know how to be who I was in these relationships. As a therapist, I had to sit with the relational trauma my clients experienced while I was still reeling from my own.  My point of reflection is the impact that trauma has on identity. There is irrevocable change as a result of a traumatic experience. Half of this battle of recovering is redefining who we are to ourselves and most importantly in our relationships. Who have you become as a result of your traumatic experience(s)?